These are my views.  If you disagree, please don't bother writing me an e-mail to debate the issue, as you won't change my mind, you'll just be wasting both your time & mine.  Remember the old adage: "never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time, & it annoys the pig"

So, why isn't CaptSF married yet?

His theories:

~ most of the SF men who desire & are capable of a LTR are already spoken for or were frustrated in their search for like-minded guys & thus moved away or gave up & are staying home.  SF is a town heavily populated by sex addicts who have convinced themselves that Gay men are not "programmed" for relationships.  I concede that man is biologically/genetically inclined to spread his seed in as many different places as possible, to insure the continuation of his genes; I but strongly believe that civilization & relationships depend upon man's curbing his baser instincts in favor of the benefits of mutual cooperation & peace.  I don't expect everyone to believe as I do, but I believe the benefits of a LTR, Monogamous relationship far outweigh the benefits of an open relationship & are well worth a little self-control & discipline (qualities sorely lacking in many SF Gay men).

~ most of the men I now  encounter in my daily life tend to be self-absorbed, preening, shallow, vacuous guys who are morally & spiritually bankrupt.  This is probably because I have so little free time, & the place I see the largest number of gay men is while I'm at the [Gold's] gym; home of SF's G.O.D.S (Gays On Disability & Steroids), Circus Freaks (over-muscled dudes w/ chests twice as big as my mother's), & cliques of pseudo-butch played-out circuit queens (wear a T-shirt that says: "Real Bad IV", or "Magnitude"?   I'm visualizing: "Real Sad," or "Magna-'tude.")  It typically takes me an hour to recover from my gym experience and stop wishing I wasn't Gay anymore  ;-)

~  I don't have enough free time, & thus don't spend enough time looking for dateable men.  What little spare time I have I spend organizing motorcycle rides, trying to hold the Phoenix together & producing the Phoenix Uniform & Leather Ball, and helping take care of my Dad, who is in the final stages of Emphysema (another reason I'm a anti-smoking Nazi).  My life is a series of triage decisions and I'm always dealing w/ the most urgent issues, never low-level problems, like reclaiming my apartment, which along the way became more of a storage locker than a habitation.

His friends' theory:

A.  He's just too picky.

Good Things:

(Caveat: most of my boyfriends had none of the following, but, through force of character & a genuine smile, convinced me to spend some time getting to know them)

~ shorter guys (my 1st boyfriend bought his clothes in the Boy's Department, but was all man; and although he was short, he was not small).  Unfortunately, I never took pix of him.  Photography as a hobby would come later.

~ redheads, blonds, & freckles, anyone who gets sunburned after 5 minutes.  Also quite fond of black hair & blue eyes (Dark Irish, Frisians)

~ in retrospect, most of my exes were both "cute," & "sweet" & usually more extroverted than I (not difficult, as I'm painfully shy around new people, especially if they're hot), but not extroverted as to be excessive flirts (I can be jealous, it's a Scorpio thing).

~ motorcyclists (except poseurs who use them as mere fashion accessories, ie: putting 200 miles/year on their Harleys riding them only to the bar on Saturday or Sunday)

~ uniforms & leather (but am not into S&M, & DEFINITELY not into fisting) it's mostly about attitude, self-confidence & domination for me.  As Cartman says: " Respect my Authorite' "  I could, though, give this up for a good man who wasn't into it.

~ weather & situational appropriate clothing: flannel shirts on cold days, leathers for motorcycle riding, etc.

~ short hair (especially military cuts) (although long hair does make a nifty guidance device)

~ internet pix of you smiling, at least a couple pix of you w/ clothes on, pix of you enjoying your favorite activitie(s), Friend(s), &/or dog(s).

~ interesting hobbies, sports, or projects; that keep you too busy to read People magazine or the National Enquirer.

~ guys who are looking for, and capable of maintaining a monogamous relationship. . .

What do I think the benefits of a monogamous,  LTR are?

~ the security of knowing that if your "husband" isn't sleeping w/ everyone else in the city, he's less likely to develop an infatuation that may have him convincing himself that he should end a relationship of many years for someone he barely knows, just because the sex is fantastic.

~ little or no risk of contracting nasty communicable diseases.

~ confidence in the relationship continuing & thus feeling secure about sharing financial goals & the risks associated w/ reaching them.

~ depriving shallow, gossiping queens a reason to discuss your life (SF really is a SMALL TOWN).

Bad Things:

~ lack of ability to think for oneself, evidenced in SF by the following: Abercrombie & Bitch T-shirts (why would any clear-minded individual pay $35 for a T-shirt?), Shaved heads & goatees (Am I the only man who remembers when this look guaranteed masculinity?!?!)

~ passive-aggressive behavior

~ weather/situational inappropriate dress, ie: sandals,  wife-beaters, &/or shorts when the temp is 50 degrees, spandex at a public gym (NEWSFLASH: not EVERYONE wants to see your penis!), shirts so tight we're always seeing your midriff.

~ while we're at it, there are only 3 reasons for adults to wear their baseball caps backwards: if it interferes with your camera or binoculars; you're EXTREMELY nearsighted & reading, or you're giving someone a hummer!

~ gossip

~ pretension

~ guys whose movement thru life is a constant, never-ending series of poses.  You think you're swaggering, but you're really flouncing!

~ guys who think of themselves as "butch," yet walk like a girl & talk like a girl.  I don't mind effeminate men, just effeminate men who think they're butch.

~ guys over 40: in the latest fashions, especially hip-huggers, spandex shirts, &/or who refer to themselves as "boi[z]." Like, dude, you've been in the Castro too long!

~ shaved heads: 15 years ago, a guy w/ a shaved head was likely wickedly twisted in bed, but now that it's the official haircut of the pseudo-butch played-out circuit queen, I am now more likely to be repulsed by it.

~ internet pix w/o faces (closet-cases); no pix  w/ clothing (sex addicts); gynecological shots of your "rosebud", & close-ups of body parts you're particularly proud of.  In my eyes, the pix of your 6-pack &/or "guns" look exactly like the rest of the pix of same on the 'net and those of the hundreds of gym-bots I see daily. . .

I probably shouldn't include the next paragraph, but better you know what I believe now, rather than waste time:

Cigarette smokers: anyone who doesn't have enough self-discipline to not do something that slowly kills them, probably won't have enough self-discipline to maintain a monogamous relationship.  I've watched it destroy my Father's health, leaving him stranded in a wheelchair, urinating into a plastic bottle because actually getting from the wheelchair to the commode is too exhausting.  I hate: the smell smoking leaves on clothes, mouths that taste like ashtrays, & yellow stains left on walls & teeth. Occasional 4:20 is OK, perhaps an occasional [outdoors] cigar (as long as it isn't so big (>3/4") as to make you look like a penile-challenged poseur)

Warning Signs:

~ if every conversation I overhear  a snippet of involves money, I gonna assume you're a pretentious queen.  Examples: talking about how much you spent on your kitchen remodel; commenting on your vacation, or the last restaurant, in such a way that everyone knows it was expensive; Designer labels, etc. . .

~ chewing gum with your mouth open, or too fast & furious.  Yawning, coughing, or sneezing w/o covering your mouth

~ if you live in SF, but you're still incredibly tan.  You've either got too much time on your hands, more money than sense, or both.  I have an Aunt who worshiped the sun.  In her Seventies they removed most of her face, thanks to melanoma.

~ dark featured guys who bleach their hair platinum.  It makes you look like that pathetic queen on "America's Top Model"  (see too many tattoos/piercings, below).

~ too much time soaping your penis (or your precious pink canoe, for that matter) in the shower at the gym.

~ spending more time in the sauna, lounging/reading/staring off into space while on the weight machines, on your phone, chatting w/ friends, or treating your personal trainer like a psychotherapist; than you do actually working out.  If your entire time at the gym is spent in the sauna, I'm guessing your sex addiction will interfere with your ability to maintain a monogamous relationship. . .

~ leaving a towel on weight equipment while talking to friends, drinking water, or going to the bathroom; or 5 minute rest periods between sets spent on the machine.  This shows a lack of consideration for other people who could be using that equipment during that time. 

~ an ad in the back of the Bay Area Reporter which shows you shirtless.  Sorry, regardless of how deluded you've allowed yourself to become, a shirtless masseur is still just a hustler.

~ too many piercings or tattoos.  Why?  Probably because your Mommy didn't pay enough attention to you as a little boy, and you know have a constant need to be the center of attention.

~ 10 minutes in front of the mirror at the gym, checking your look BEFORE you work out, or (swear to God, I saw this today), spending 5 minutes making sure your gym bag was hanging just right on your way out of the gym.  God forbid you mess up your hair, or actually SWEAT while at the gym?!?!?!?

~ I've never understood excessively large trucks, guns, tires, &/or cigars; but then my penis is sufficiently large.

Now, after reading all that, you might think that I know more about what I don't want than what I do, and that I've a negative outlook.  The reality is that I am a positive, hopeful guy.  If I wasn't, I wouldn't have taken the time to create this page.  I've listed more of the things I don't like because that's all I've been seeing lately, & truth of the matter is, most of my boyfriends never fit any particular mold.  I'm open to any self-assured, considerate, polite, friendly guy who at least takes some pride (but not too much) in his health & appearance & has something intelligent to say about something that actually matters (I really don't care what kind of stone counters you put in your kitchen, really). . .

Rogue's Gallery (CaptSF's exes)

1st String (longer term)

Drew: too young, too energetic  2003

Steve: too fast, too far (Sacramento v. SF)

(no, I wasn't stoned, I just always manage to be non-photogenic)  2002

Randy: too needy, too unstable, now too dead. Also the man who sero-converted me, proving that condoms are NOT infallible!  1990

Neil: I was too young, not ready to settle down, now too dead. This one was probably the best candidate. 1987

Jeff: I had to decide between finishing college or moving w/ him to Phoenix.  MSU won. 1983  Later ran into him in San Diego, but we'd gone in far different directions.

2nd String (short-term)

Can't remember his name, do remember he was from PDX and VERY high drama  1991

TonyH: too far (ABQ v. ORD) He was my butt-buddy while visiting my Dad & "Mom" ( Dad's lover) in Albuquerque at Christmastime. 1989?  Nice guy, he'd [has] make someone a nice husband.

Don't remember: his name.    Do remember: he was Lithuanian, possessed a huge uncut penis.  Everything was fine until I caught him cutting Coke on my turntable.  I was probably more pissed about scratching the cover w/ a razor blade than the Coke, but the combo was his undoing.  Later rumored to have lost his license and been fired from a prestigious teaching hospital in Chicago due to same habit. 1988?

Little Joe: too bottom, now too dead  1987?

Tom H.: too far (Philly v. E.Lansing) sliced & diced dead animals for a living (clinical pathologist) 1981